Confections For Cats

I've mentioned before that this is not a linear process. The amount of information is staggering. Some of it I haven't looked at before or at least not closely. Occasionally I find something I can throw out without fear that I've let a piece of information go. Sometimes just sorting through the different sources of information gives me clarity. Today I needed to regroup and reset my compass. It's easy to get lost in the memories or get lost in the information. I can't imagine that Mathew touched any of these papers in this pile, but they were in with other items he did use or write, so I suppose that Sequel's interest in the pile of papers isn't so odd. But she seemed a bit pensive as I started to sort out redundant paperwork. These are information sheets that came with his prescriptions. Then she settled herself in the middle of the growing pile

From Mathew’s Journal 4-8-14 There is a tremendous amount of beautiful and precious beings. Going through difficult, harsh and ugly things. Pray with a busy mind, breathe it becomes still. The subtle unspoken is open to us, in lips, hearts, and hands that move guided by compassion. -will all be well? -What’s my finished business?   -what’s my unfinished business? -Is Karma real? -If so, what are its implications? “We’re all a work in progress until we die.”                                 Dr. Knight

Opposition can come from the least expected places when caring for someone. I understand that people become exhausted by the ups and downs and constant vigilance. The stress from that is something I have tried to convey in certain series of blog posts. But there are people in our lives, we assume have our back through thick and thin, life and death. Both Mathew and I found this not to be so, a painful but eye-opening lesson. These two texts I sent to my sister Kathleen are only a few weeks into Mathew’s treatment. This subject also goes back to another post where Mathew asks the doctors when he can go back to work and he is told that with his cancer and type of treatments he will be receiving, work (and as we quickly found out normal life) is not possible. Texts to my sister Kathleen I was just calling when I was alone because Carlos  told me yesterday that when Mat comes home I  need to let him grow up and learn to take care of  himself and that ...

Mathew’s first I.E. chemo was a 50% dose because his liver was still recovering. The tumor had invaded his liver and his bilirubin was still above normal. As a result, it took his system longer to process the chemotherapy drugs and I was told that because of that, it would have the same effect as a full dose. Later I would wonder if there was a way to replicate the slower processing of the chemo. A better angle, a different angle. Anything to give his weakened body a chance against the cancer. When it was time for the second round of I.E., Mathew went to a full dose.  Texts between me and Allison Next 5 day I.E. starts on the 15th. Sent April 10 Good! Received April 10 Started I.E. this morning.  This time he slept through it. Question: How long does the  chemo continue to work? Does it stop when his ANC returns to normal or can it continue to work after that? I was wondering if since the last scan was  two weeks ago if it m...

A reminder; Mathew was finally taken seriously 2-22-14 when he was sent to the hospital and a scan was done. Even then, the assumption was that he had been drinking his liver into a coma or some other horrible self-imposed illness. Mathew Journal  2-4-14      Wake up to another day of feeling like hell. Biting the skin off my lower lip. Pick and scratching skin raw. Sinister visions projected onto the back of my eyelids. Arms and legs sore. Hardly able to get myself into bed. Once eyes closed the visions return again. Played it fast-forward - too fast to ever identify what they are. My heart is aching from beating too fast. And I have constant dry mouth. My left leg drags behind me. Like a ghoul from a horror film. My aching body says “Take another warm bath.” M wallet and my mind say “Enough with the damn baths.” The itching was from the high bilirubin, due to the tumor invading the liver and strangling the bile duct...

One of the questions people have when I tell them about this rare cancer, is “What were the symptoms that Mathew had before he was diagnosed?” There is no one answer to that question. What were the symptoms at what point in time? What were the earliest symptoms? Hard to tell for certain, but in retrospect, I would say they started in High School. A serious of odd medical conditions with no real answer. In High School, he had pain in his groin and the fear was that between karate and high jumping in cheerleading one summer, that he had twisted his vas deferens an ultrasound of his testicles was done and nothing was seen. But later, he had similar symptoms, locking up of his left hip and pain which eventually affected his left leg. When his cancer was diagnosed it was wrapped around his kidney and renal artery.      2.  He had a back injury in wrestling, nothing serious, but they wanted an x-ray to be certain. There was a spot on his lung, they were...

I’ve always been a germaphobe and felt it paid off at this time. Though the doctors did tell me that most infections would be self infections, in other words, things that are normally in our bodies but because of a lowered immune system, cause problems. But it is still important to be vigilant and it may take a little imagination to realize all the ways someone can be exposed to potential infections or colds. I’ve mentioned before that while staying at my sister's home, I would wake up early and clean and disinfect everything that Mathew might touch.  light switches TV remotes doorknobs faucets and handles door jams the arms of chairs refrigerator doors and handles coffee pot handle car door handle You get the picture, anything and everything. I did the same when he was staying at Moffitt. In addition, I was advised to make sure everyone who entered the room used the hand sanitizer.  I also avoided riding the elevators unless Mathew was wit...