Confections For Cats

I preface this journal entry with a reminder that this is when Mathew was staying at my sister Kathleen’s house and she told him that he could have visitors any time he wanted and was able. From Mathew’s Journal 4-14-14 Today, the day before my next 5 day round of chemo, Rinpoche and Ralph came to visit. -It was a good visit although I was nervous at first before they showed up. -Ralph gave me a small prayer wheel and said it was Paula. -Rinpoche taught me some meditation techniques to supplement mantra recitation and to help alleviate the suffering of the disease. He also answered my questions about Karma.  -When I asked him about my dreams he said that was good sign and that it showed the bodhisetta going to help an earnest (don’t know if this is best description, Rinpoche’s was better) practitioner. Tomorrow is chemo again. I am nervous of course  -but I need to be mindful. I think about the article I read about children receiving chemotherapy.   

The first week Mathew was at Moffitt he was given a planning guide for adolescents and young adults. It covers how they want to be comforted, supported, what medical treatments they want at end of life, things they want their family to know and more. It seems innocuous at first glance but I suspect Mathew realized at he went through it what the possible outcomes for him could be. Dr. Knight, the pain and palliative doctor, helped him get started. The social worker witnessed his signature for his choice of health care agent/caregiver. To be honest, I didn't read through this until after Mathew had passed away. Though everything in it he had gone over with me many times in different ways. Often in our drives back and forth to appointments, Mathew explained his wishes and his beliefs to me and how he wanted his end of life services conducted. Right down to his wish that one of his cats be present with him when he passed, so they would understand what happened and not look for him

Mathew and his twin Joseph had a teacher in High School, Brad Ash. He was a homeroom teacher, a counselor and eventually a friend and bandmate. The evolution of their relationship spanned six years. Brad eventually became my friend too. When I think of Brad Ash, I see him with long blond rock star hair! He regularly cut it and donated it to locks for love. Mathew soon followed his example. In 2010 Brad, an avid cyclist was struck and killed by an SUV. Mathew was allowed into the ICU to see Brad during the few days before he died. He never regained consciousness. If you listen to Adrian Told Me, the last verse is about Brad. "She said, did he leave his eyes open." https://soundcloud.com/confectionsforcats/adrian-told-me Brad's students and friends, were devastated by his sudden death. The young people organized a night of music in his memory. Now, as I continue to go through Mathew's paperwork, I find articles about Brad's accident. Mathew was one of the