Confections For Cats

Mathew kept a journal for years and always had it with him for every doctor's appointment and hospital stay. Even when we went in as an emergency, but he didn't have one with him for that first admission. I don't think we expected him to stay. As it turned out, a former girlfriend's father was on the staff at that hospital and brought Mathew a new journal. Here is the inscription: To Matt, Inspiration comes from the damnedest places. Alan 2-27-14 Alan also brought a guitar to Mathew's room. Such a thoughtful and inspired gesture. Mathew was a musician and practiced many hours a day. As sick as he was, he picked up that guitar and played for the nurses at the Zephyrhills Hospital and at Moffitt, since the guitar made the transfer with us.  Though it stayed at home the rest of the times Mathew was inpatient at Moffitt I believe that because it was there, in the beginning, it created a continuum from pre-diagnosis life, to life with canc...

Following is an entry from Mathew’s journal, June 2014. He is reflecting on how this started. “I fell asleep on my Grandmother’s couch and had disturbing dreams. -A couple of hours later, I got a call from the nurse practitioner. She asked how I was doing, I wasn’t doing any better, and she told me to go to the ER. -Once I was checked into the hospital, I told them I was reacting the Horizant (I have edited part of this because he has confused Horizant with another medicine he is receiving at this time). The Doctor smiled at me, fittingly and pressed on my abdomen near my liver. I screamed out in pain; a pain I did not know was possible. Then she had me rushed away to get an abdominal scan. (When this same Doctor came in to give us the results of the scan, she looked frightened, as she should have, since pressing down on Mathew like that could have caused tremendous problems. Again, she that assumed he was having liver problems due to his own misconduct). ...

My niece Allison was going through her oncology fellowship in Orlando, Florida, at this time. In the beginning and throughout the entire time, she availed herself to me whenever I needed her. She also gave me information that helped me crunch the timeline and navigate the journey.  At this point, I am texting her saying they want to send him home. It frightened me that he was in so much pain. I couldn’t imagine being able to care for him at the house. She messaged me back and told me not to let them send him home, that I didn’t have to allow them to release him under those circumstances. As I am writing this, I wonder if he had been sent home if it would have taken longer to get him to Moffitt. I believe because the doctors came in every day and saw him failing, dying, they were pressured to pass his care on to a more experienced and knowledgeable medical team. Specialist for cancer, at this point, that was still unidentified. FROM THE NOTEBOOK     ...