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The Memories from Mathew's Journey Through Sarcoma Are Very Clear


It’s been a week or more since I have posted.

It’s not that I don’t have enough to write about. Memories and ideas are like a constant stream of consciousness slideshow. Sometimes a moment in time settles with such clarity, the sounds and smells and feelings, that I almost feel as if I can turn to Mathew and say, “Do you remember that?”  As if he can meet me within the clearest of memories. He can meet me and not have to experience the pain and fear. I wonder if he feels sorry for me that it is all still so clear for me.

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Confections for Cats, A Journey through Sarcoma is a chronicle of my son's journey through Desmoplastic Small Round Cell Sarcoma. It is intended to educate and inspire by using Mathew’s thoughts and feelings, dreams and fears through a variety of mediums; art, music, and writing. Through factual experience, what we learned and what we wish we had known. Mathew’s desire was to give meaning to his journey and in the process help anyone else on a similar path. The last possible explanation in my mind for my son’s health problems was cancer. Even the words “the scan shows a large mass” didn’t lead me to conclude cancer and when the cancer diagnosis was confirmed, I still wasn’t prepared. My Mother is a breast cancer survivor and my sister Elizabeth passed away three years after her breast cancer diagnosis. I thought I knew what cancer treatment and living with cancer looked like, but none of us could imagine or be prepared for how all semblance of routine and normalcy had alre...