Skip to main content

Hair Loss After Chemo for Sarcoma, My Son's Point of View

I can't imagine or pretend to know how it feels to lose your hair because you have cancer and the chemo causes your hair to fall out. I only know what I saw with Mathew and years ago, my sister Elizabeth's experience as they lost their hair to chemotherapy. But it was something that affected Mathew more than just the initial hair loss, it had nuances. Here is a journal entry. It's short but I think it speaks volumes.


MATHEW’S JOURNAL  
5-23-14

  • Lately, I’ve been envious of people’s hair. Well, I guess not envious of other people’s hair but missing mine.
  • I told my Mom about it and expressed to her that I was afraid I was falling prey to vanity. She expressed the idea that I may be missing having hair because it’s part of being healthy.
  • I do miss having a life and at the same time, I’m afraid that I may never have a full life again or that I may lose what’s left of the one I have.
-  I’ve been thinking about dying a lot lately. I don’t know why it has hit me so hard this week. I guess because my next five-day cycle of chemo is coming up.
- I described the five-day chemo to my friend Carol(who is battling skin cancer) as the closest thing to hell that I’ve ever experienced.

I remember having this conversation with Mathew, about his feelings about his hair. The idea that hair represented good health felt like inspiration at the time. An answer to one of those answers a parent has for a child's questions. An answer that seems to come to us from a place deep inside of us. A place that has answers to unanswerable questions. Answers to help a son wonder why he is dying.  

I still am looking for answers. I hope this blog helps me find them and possibly helps someone else find theirs.

If you want to see photos of Mat's hair, before and during, see the second part to this post, my point of view. 







Labels

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Replace the 3 Lumen Pic Line with a Port

Mathew's 3 Lumen Pic Line was replaced with a Power P.A.C. Both Mathew and I were given Medical I.D. cards to carry at all times. I have mentioned before that texting from the DRC is almost impossible. The staff told me it used to be the X-ray department so the walls are leaded. Again, the phone tree would have helped so much. I texted the following information to my niece, my sister and Mathew’s Dad and Stepmom. And probably Joseph and Carlos. I know that could have been reduced to two texts, three at the most. At the time  I didn’t know about group messaging as my phone was an old Android. Texts Between me and Diane Hi. We are at the hospital early because Mat is in a lot of pain.  We think the bill stent may have moved. Sent 3-31-14 Because he was NPO for other  procedure they should be able to fix today. Sent 3-31-14 In the DRC sending texts is almost impossible so if you don’t hear from me for a while don’t worry. If ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Why is it Called Confections for Cats?

I want to take a moment and talk about why Project Mathew is called Confections for Cats. The main reason is that it was going to be the title of his first album. He had sketched up some artwork. We were working on it in Photoshop. Here is an early permutation of the artwork. Mathew's life, his story is mainly about music, his music, and his journey through cancer. When he created his Facebook page, he named it Confections for Cats and I continued with that name. I have been thinking about a logo, a way to incorporate cats, Sarcoma and his music. I like to brainstorm. So, I was thinking about the word confections. When Mathew first told me that title, this was before his diagnosis, I recall thinking about how he practiced his guitar into the night and early morning and that his cats have been his constant audience. Sweets, confections for his cats, and his music as delicious morsels for our ears. I looked up the word confections and yes, a confection is a sweet. Bu...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Rollercoaster of Chemotherapy Fewer Highs and More Lows

TEXTS BETWEEN ME AND ARPIE Mat sees Dr. Reed Thursday at 9 and then at 1 he goes to have biliary stent changed to a larger gauge. We had to reattach a bag this morning. Sent May 12                                                                  I have Dr's appointment myself Thursday                                                                  will call after and see if you are still                                                                  with Dr. Reed.   ...
Post a Comment
Read more