Confections For Cats

Mathew always had awesome hair.     Rock and roll hair. When he first started treatment, they shaved his head.  He still wasn't bald, plus it represented the beginning of treatment. It was temporary until the cancer was gone and he was well again. Before treatment started, Mathew was so sick I wondered how he would accept the change. He hadn't wanted anyone seeing him when he was first hospitalized. But I was surprised how quickly he adjusted to the new look. Then when treatment started and his hair fell out it coincided with the tumor responding to the chemo, so overall he looked so much better than he had for a long time. Less bloated and healthier color. I was so happy he was responding to the treatment, that being bald didn't bother me. I'm a Mom, I thought he looked terrific. Mathew was dismayed over the bald look at first. It made him appear younger, and since he also lost his eyebrows and eyelashes, he referred to it as that &quo

I can't imagine or pretend to know how it feels to lose your hair because you have cancer and the chemo causes your hair to fall out.  I only know what I saw with Mathew and years ago, my sister Elizabeth's experience as they lost their hair to chemotherapy. But it was something that affected Mathew more than just the initial hair loss, it had nuances. Here is a journal entry. It's short but I think it speaks volumes. MATHEW’S JOURNAL     5-23-14 Lately, I’ve been envious of people’s hair. Well, I guess not envious of other people’s hair but missing mine. I told my Mom about it and expressed to her that I was afraid I was falling prey to vanity. She expressed the idea that I may be missing having hair because it’s part of being healthy. I do miss having a life and at the same time, I’m afraid that I may never have a full life again or that I may lose what’s left of the one I have. -  I’ve been thinking about dying a lot lately. I don’t know why it has hit

3 Days in the DRC, Part 1 If you haven’t read my first post about the DRC at Moffitt and how it works, since Moffitt does not have an ER, you can read about it here.  https://confectionsforcats.blogspot.com/2018/04/neutropenic-fever-after-ie-chemo-and.html In summary, the DRC is where an existing Moffitt patient is directed to go if they have a medical emergency.  Usually, we would be there a few hours or overnight (since we arrived at midnight or shortly afterward) until they had a room for Mathew on the ward. This particular visit Mathew stayed in the DRC three days. As mentioned in my other post, the DRC has maybe two rooms with a bathroom; otherwise, one bathroom for about a dozen patients. In Mathew’s case, a patient with a lowered immune system.  This time Mathew was in the room furthest from the bathroom.  When inpatient, we had a routine for getting him to the bathroom. First, he needed the IV unplugged (often quickly) and most times, I had to help maneuve

TEXTS BETWEEN ME AND ARPIE Mat sees Dr. Reed Thursday at 9 and then at 1 he goes to have biliary stent changed to a larger gauge. We had to reattach a bag this morning. Sent May 12                                                                  I have Dr's appointment myself Thursday                                                                  will call after and see if you are still                                                                  with Dr. Reed.                                                                   Rec'd May 12 Okay Sent May 12 May 15th  As usual, we went to blood draw first.  Gold valet. There’s always a lot of traffic, vehicles and foot traffic. Drs and others moving between Moffitt and the Stabile Reseach Building. 8:15 blood draw. More than likely, the therapy dogs were in the blood draw waiting area.  This was one of those places where we met other caregivers and patients and hea

      I found a post I made four years ago on Facebook. It simply said this:                     Scheduled meds serve a previously unknown purpose                            ...a reason  to check on a loved one                                       without seeming to hover.

Our lives change daily and hourly but the majority of the time the changes fall within an expected range of possibilities. With cancer, nothing is expected or unexpected. It goes back to my sister Kathleen’s answer to inquiries as to how Mathew was doing. “Which fifteen minutes are you interested in?” The journal entry and texts messages in this post will represent 15 minutes, a few hours or a moment, a feeling, an event. This is life, specifically, this is life with cancer. From Mathew’s Journal     May 8 Dr. Donovan Therapy - most helpful- least burdensome.  - 1 every other week   start there and then change  - goal - give some thought into how your beliefs and intellectual pursuits dovetail with being plastered to the chair. -being plastered to the chair could be an opportunity for greater awareness or it could be just an obstacle to pass to get to the good stuff. TEXTS BETWEEN MATHEW AND MOM (I needed to go to the grocery

A poem merely number 3 in Mathews notes. Chemo means you'll lose your breath then find it in      the strangest places. You may be a full grown man but it's okay to cry. The nurse walks in with a shot of Ativan as Bob Dylan's     My Tambourine Man comes on the radio. A shot on one of the IV tubes close to the Picc line. Calms me down. The room will stop spinning and nausea will level out    enough so that I'm not in fear of spinning right out of the hospital bed. by  Mathew Rodgers  2014