What Does it Mean to Have a Team of Doctors?

This was my first experience with a team of doctors. Dr. Reed, the Sarcoma doctor, was the head of Mathew’s team. There was surgical oncology in the beginning, though Dr. Gonzalez was on the tumor board, which met one a week. The Interventional Radiology doctors, a medicine team, the Chaplain, and a Social Worker.

An important part of Mathew’s team was the pain and palliative clinic. Dr. Knight, the pain and palliative doctor, a psychiatrist and a therapist, Dr. Donovan. They cared for Mathew, both inpatient and outpatient appointments. There were also physical therapists and even a massage therapist that came to see Mathew a few times when he was inpatient. 

We made so many visits to the Pain and Palliative Clinic that it got to the point that as soon as we walked in, Dr. Knight was notified that Mathew was there. Often when Mathew had other appointments, but not a scheduled Pain and Pailiative appointment, Dr. Knight would text me and tell us to stop by afterward. She would come out to the waiting room for a few minutes to ask Mathew how he was feeling and I’m certain she also took in to account how he looked.

The palliative waiting area wasn’t very large or cold and sterile as most clinics. It was more like a professional living room. The floor was carpeted, the lighting was from a few lamps and muted overhead lights. Not the usual bright waiting room lights. A large flat screen TV streamed images of forests, lakes and an assortment of relaxing water scenes accompanied by a meditative soundtrack. 

I recall one time, Mathew had gone in for an appointment with Dr. Donovan and as I sat there I started to miss Mathew so much. We were spending almost every minute together and I remember thinking, “Boy, I’m going to be in trouble.” When Mathew was through talking to Dr. Donovan, he must have made a stop at the restroom because Dr. Donovan came out to see me. She looked at me. I’m certain my distress was obvious. In response she said “This is the most difficult thing you will ever have to do.”  I must have looked like an idiot, because again, I heard what she said and I understood what she said, but there was a layer of denial. I was sitting in a chair and she was standing in front of me and I looked at her face and my heart constricted because I knew what she was saying. Watching and taking this journey through cancer to his death, would be the hardest thing. She confirmed my fears. I wasn’t crazy or hysterical. I had heard the doctors correctly. My son was dying.