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Mathew's Journal Pain from Enlarged Spleen

From Mathew’s Journal

3-31-14

Even now I lose my balance.
Even now going to the restroom is a trial.
Even now nurse and family stand
 by me as I dress so that I don’t fall over
  with all the meds in my system.

The pain has left me shaken.
I hate to sound like a malingerer
   or someone who has a small threshold for pain.
But cancer opens up new thresholds of pain.



4-1-14

The Dilaudid helps, and I’m a little afraid
to go back home and have that pain again.
   My mind keeps going back to it.
  • screaming aloud in pain
  • my voice sounds unfamiliar and animal
  • like a dog stuck in a bear trap
  • these are the types you don’t hear about from cancer survivors.

- Or maybe you do and we just don’t listen.
  - the doctors saw me this morning and the pressing on the abdomen and leaning backward and forward really irritated my pain level.


-my hair keeps falling out more and more.
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