Skip to main content

Mathew's Journal Pain from Enlarged Spleen

From Mathew’s Journal

3-31-14

Even now I lose my balance.
Even now going to the restroom is a trial.
Even now nurse and family stand
 by me as I dress so that I don’t fall over
  with all the meds in my system.

The pain has left me shaken.
I hate to sound like a malingerer
   or someone who has a small threshold for pain.
But cancer opens up new thresholds of pain.



4-1-14

The Dilaudid helps, and I’m a little afraid
to go back home and have that pain again.
   My mind keeps going back to it.
  • screaming aloud in pain
  • my voice sounds unfamiliar and animal
  • like a dog stuck in a bear trap
  • these are the types you don’t hear about from cancer survivors.

- Or maybe you do and we just don’t listen.
  - the doctors saw me this morning and the pressing on the abdomen and leaning backward and forward really irritated my pain level.


-my hair keeps falling out more and more.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Replace the 3 Lumen Pic Line with a Port

Mathew's 3 Lumen Pic Line was replaced with a Power P.A.C. Both Mathew and I were given Medical I.D. cards to carry at all times. I have mentioned before that texting from the DRC is almost impossible. The staff told me it used to be the X-ray department so the walls are leaded. Again, the phone tree would have helped so much. I texted the following information to my niece, my sister and Mathew’s Dad and Stepmom. And probably Joseph and Carlos. I know that could have been reduced to two texts, three at the most. At the time  I didn’t know about group messaging as my phone was an old Android. Texts Between me and Diane Hi. We are at the hospital early because Mat is in a lot of pain.  We think the bill stent may have moved. Sent 3-31-14 Because he was NPO for other  procedure they should be able to fix today. Sent 3-31-14 In the DRC sending texts is almost impossible so if you don’t hear from me for a while don’t worry. If ...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Cancer Poem by Mathew Rodgers 2014

From Mathew’s Journal 4-5-14 “I lie awake in my pain bed metallic noises chirping from my strange computer  companion”
Post a Comment
Read more

Hair Loss After Chemo for Sarcoma, My Son's Point of View

I can't imagine or pretend to know how it feels to lose your hair because you have cancer and the chemo causes your hair to fall out.  I only know what I saw with Mathew and years ago, my sister Elizabeth's experience as they lost their hair to chemotherapy. But it was something that affected Mathew more than just the initial hair loss, it had nuances. Here is a journal entry. It's short but I think it speaks volumes. MATHEW’S JOURNAL     5-23-14 Lately, I’ve been envious of people’s hair. Well, I guess not envious of other people’s hair but missing mine. I told my Mom about it and expressed to her that I was afraid I was falling prey to vanity. She expressed the idea that I may be missing having hair because it’s part of being healthy. I do miss having a life and at the same time, I’m afraid that I may never have a full life again or that I may lose what’s left of the one I have. -  I’ve been thinking about dying a lot lately. I don’t know wh...
Post a Comment
Read more