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From Mathew's Journal, Thoughts and Feelings of a Young Man with Sarcoma

Again, the outer world for Mathew and his inner world from his journal.

Texts between me and Mat

Are you awake? Look at the pillbox
in the room. One has pills.
Plus your powder. Plus in the 
fridge in cooler are your IVs. Looks
like it’s a two part deal, put on
desk in bedroom.
Going to Walmart to find a
watch cap for you.
Sent 3-26-14


KK. Sounds good.
Rec’d 3-26-14

Everything ok?
Sent 3-26-14

Everything is ok.
Rec’d 3-26-14

Stopping to put in gas.
Need sweethearts?
Sent 3-26-14

Hard sprees if they have them.
If not, cinnamon buttons.
If not, sweethearts.
Rec’d 3-26-14


K. See you in about 15
Sent 3-26-14



From Mathew’s Journal

Later today I meet with the head honcho Sarcoma doctor.
His name is Dr. Reed and I’ve only met him once so far
in the treatment process.

Whenever I meet with the doctors I have felt at a distinct disadvantage.
   drugged up and lying in a bed
    trying to keep my wits and other mental facilities about me.


Knocking things over with shaky hands,
    “Yes sirs, no sirs, Yes Ma’ams, No Ma’ams, One last questions and Thank you”
It’s all blurring together and I have a 

I can’t sleep - I feel 1,000 feet away from
my body, but I can hear my heart
pounding like a ritual drum.

The sound of the train horn.
The sound of its wheels on the track.

My abdomen is hurting on and off,

  I hope that it gets better.
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