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Texts and Mathew's Journal, We Receive a Diagnosis

Texts to a my friend Kristen

Primary came in today. Bili is down to 5.3!!
Pathologist and medical oncologist coming in 
to talk about treatment options. 
He will be transferred to their care.
Sent March 11

Thank goodness…let me know what they say! Xoxo
Rec’d March 11

Med oncologist team member says  
Mats liver isn’t ready for chemo. They 
are going to use this time to take another 
biopsy of tumor and bone marrow. 
More info later today.
Sent March 11

Did they already get the information from the first biopsy?
Rec’d March 11


Inconclusive. The  general diagnosis is 
Blue Round Cell Sarcoma of which there 
are many. Some are highly responsive to 
treatment, some aren’t. Some go into the bones.
Sent March 11

What is going on with his liver? do they know?
Rec’d March 11


Just recovering from bile duct being 
blocked by tumor.
Sent March 11

He also has swelling of the legs because 
the tumor has moved his vena cava which 
is the artery that drains the lower body.
Sent March 11



LATER THAT SAME DAY

Final diagnosis
Desmoplastic sarcoma. Starting 
chemo in a few days.
Very aggressive chemo. 5 days and 
then in three weeks again and then again 
and again, Not sure how many cycles.
Sent March 11



From Mathew’s Journal
3-9-14
The Dr has put an input max on my fluid intake to a liter.

Which is frustrating because I thought I had been speeding along the healing process with large fluid input only to find I had been hampering my progress by washing out by sodium chloride.

Lastly, I walked 4 laps around the hall, exciting as it was my first time walking outside my room. also exciting because I moved without a walker assisting me.


3-10-14

Today has been a tiring day. I was plagued with fever dreams again last night after all day of limiting my fluid intake.
   -dreams of fucked up game shows
   -dreams of my brother hurting himself at work and me running screaming into the arms of a lovely nurse and she says we can get drinks together.
“By God she’s trying to kill me.”

Awake to Drs. want a scan with contrast to make sure my stent is in place.
Don’t eat and drink.
  -I already have.
Diarrhea before slipping into another hospital gown.
  • nerve wracking ultra-sound where the techs keep muttering to themselves “strange”
“This is it” I think.

Later, the pleasant Dr Rashad informs me the liver blocking the bilirubin is still a mystery.
He hands me a copy of the much awaited pathology report.

I read it quickly.

Conclusion “undifferentiated round cell sarcoma.”

There was another word, but it escapes me now. You think I would commit it to heart like the name of a lover.

Still every day remind myself about mindfulness.
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