The Morphine Ritual

From Mathew's Journal

The Morphine Ritual

written by Mom 2-28-14

From the first dose this became the ritual.

Mathew pats a spot on the hospital bed for me to sit on. He scrolls on his iPhone and picks a song. Not by an artist I’ve heard of, not a Top 40’s artist or an oldies song. Poignant songs by groups including Iron and Wine, Manchester Orchestra, Ride Away Great Captain, the main ones — sprinkle in some Neutral Milk Hotel and Cat Stevens.

Songs whose lyrics hit too close to home. Poignant. I would have told you it was my favorite feeling — a bare tree in the middle of a field. A brisk autumn night, fallen leaves across a lonely country road. A feeling that is both sad and beautiful. Songs both beautifully crafted and with lyrics of life and dying.

Poignant, my 24 year old son, playing beautiful songs while the nurse injects his dose of morphine. Then he closes his eyes. He wants the non skid socks pulled onto his feet — another poignant song. And then he’s ready to lean back.

One of the songs was by Iron And Wine - Upward Over The Mountain.

I haven’t listened to that song since Mat’s memorial. I want to hang on to that poignant feeling it gave me there with my son as he started that flight over the mountain.

Take a minute, find the song online, listen to it and think about Mathew.

Comments

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